I Taste Imaginary Big Macs...and Other Struggles of Being a Food Addict

The other day I was driving with my trainer, Jesse, and just like Pavlov's dog, my mouth watered and I swear I tasted a Big Mac.  I have eaten Mc Donald's exactly once since I started working out and I promptly got sick.  Lately I have been craving a Big Mac so badly, so very badly.  I don't know if I am a food addict, but I have issues with food to say the least.  I mean who tastes imaginary Big Macs?! 

According to WebMD, "experiments in animals and humans show that, for some people, the same reward and pleasure centers of the brain that are triggered by addictive drugs like cocaine and heroin are also activated by food."  That really sounds like food, cocaine and heroin are about the same, addictive wise, to some people.  Sadly, you hit rock bottom much slower with food than you do with drugs because unlike cocaine and heroin, you can't give food up.  A friend of mine shared this quote with me from a morbidly obese man he knew:  "Imagine trying to quit drinking alcohol by drinking alcohol three times a day."  Let that really sink in and you will understand what food addicts go through.  I literally had to tell my husband that he needed to take over the grocery shopping.  It was too much for me.  I know I'll have to get over this, but for now, I see no need to enter a store that has anything and everything I want.  Too many temptations, no one to stop me.  Don't get me wrong, I've made major improvements in my mental fitness.  I would never buy a bag of chips and go home and eat them.  I even made it through the Super Bowl without eating ANY junk food!  But still, it's just a bit difficult to go to a grocery store.  My last trip to CVS, couponing ;-), I had 6 bags of Chex Mix in my cart and almost bought them!!!  I came to my senses and put them all back.  Who needs that much Chex Mix?!

I had my light bulb moment a few years ago.  My husband and son were playing in the other room, happily.  Happy sounds were coming from the other room.  Sunshine was coming in the windows, it was a beautiful California day.  Life could not have been better at that moment, and I sat scowling, alone on the couch, thinking: "If I only had a bag of chips, I'd be happy."  Whoa.  Like, whoa!!!  Chips??!!!  Really??!!!  I got up off my ass and joined my family.  It was at that moment that I realized that I had been emotionally eating for awhile.  Years.  I can remember driving home from the store with a week's worth of groceries and only thinking about the junk food I had bought.  It would be the first thing I went for.  It made me happy. 

Now let's go back to that cocaine/heroin/food thing.  If I asked my husband to bring me home some cocaine or heroin, he'd think I was crazy and refuse!  But if I asked him to bring me home a bag of chips or candy, he would, happily.  He and I had to realize and admit that he was my enabler.  Yeah, it's a total thing not limited to AA, lol.  He told me I would get angry at him if he didn't bring me my junk food.  I believe that.  He has now committed to not bring me junk food.  If I want it that badly, I can go get it myself.  I'll admit, this has caused some tiffs, but I appreciate that he is committed to supporting me in this journey any way he can.  He went shopping this week and came home with tons of veggies, fruit, chicken, turkey, and men's body wash...no women's.  Baby steps...

Here is how I learned and continue to deal with my love of food.  This is simply what has worked/works for me.

1.)  Most importantly, I have admitted to myself that I have an issue with food.  You cannot change what you don't acknowledge.  Until my light bulb moment, I honestly didn't see it.  I didn't see it.  :-(  Even now that I see I have an issue, I still struggle with it daily.  Pretty sure this will be a lifetime struggle.  I have accepted that I can no longer celebrate by over indulging in food, food cannot be a source of pleasure for me, food is fuel.

2.)  I counted my calories with My Fitness Pal, an iphone app.  It only took me a few weeks to learn the calories and fat content in the food I eat.  Now I don't bother to track my food, I know enough to be able to hit my caloric goal and what will send me over it. (I've been on a 1200 - 1500 calorie diet since I started working out with Jesse.)

3.)  I keep absolutely nothing I can't eat in the house.  Even then, the bread and crackers that are a staple in this home are a daily temptation.  I never thought I would be tempted by a Triscuit, but the struggle is real.  Almonds or dark chocolate covered pomegranates have become my new favorite snacks. A very small amount of either with fill me up and settle that salt or sugar craving.

4.)  I try to trick my body into thinking I'm full.  Let's face it, I'm not starving.  So if I'm getting that munchie craving, I try to drink water and fill my tummy that way.  It doesn't always work, but hey, it's worth a shot.

5.)  I avoid places where there is temptation.  Fast food restaurants, center aisles at grocery stores and cheese shops.  ;-)

6.)  Lastly, I tell myself constantly:  "Nothing tastes as good as fit feels."  #truth

Do you think you have an issue with food?  Let me tell you this:  If you're getting excited when food is served to you, or at the thought of eating your favorite food, you probably have some sort of an issue.  My friends without food issues do not get excited over food.  They're just wired differently.  Guess what?  I still get excited over the thought of food, but I have given my body and taste buds time to change.  It's worked!!  I ate a handful of Chex Mix the other day and almost spit it out it was so salty.  I now get excited over working out, and making it through the day eating clean.  Who am I?!

**Disclaimer:  Sarah Angelique is not a doctor.  She picks out linens and bosses around unruly groomsmen for a living.

Non Scale Victories

Urban Dictionary defines Non Scale Victory (NSV) as a dieting and weight loss term for noticing your weight loss success off the scale.  NSVs are important to acknowledge as the scale is only one measure of success.  Here are some of my NSVs. 

Three years ago my doctor told me that I was showing signs of being "pre diabetic."  This is no longer the case.  Huge NSV!

My son has lost weight and is eating much healthier!  Huge NSV!

I AM STRONG!  I am so freaking strong.  Seriously.  You should see me move farmhouse tables at weddings.  NSV!

I bought my first pair of jeans in about 15 years.  I wear them all the time and I rock them!  In fact, I'm almost ready for a smaller size.  NSV!

I no longer have ANY clothes that have a X in the size.  I can shop in any boutique downtown as I am now a "regular" size.  I don't wear shawls to cover my arms.  NSV!

 I can now do walking lunges with weights in my hands instead of tears in my eyes.  NSV!

My back is no longer sore!  This is huge.  I was sore all the time.  Uh, duh!  Strap 30 lbs to yourself for the day and see how sore you are.  NSV!

I can go longer and harder at Disneyland, my happiest place on Earth!  Last year after a few days I would be crying and soaking my feet in hot water at the hotel every night.  After our last trip I felt great and unloaded the car all by myself.  NSV!

I have lost at least 10 inches and probably more off of my body.  Can you imagine?  NSV!  (We'll be doing measurements in a few weeks.)

I have muscles you can see.  NSV!

I have cut my sodium, read Lawry's Salt, intake to a minimum.  I have changed my taste buds and it really wasn't that hard.  I enjoy healthier foods that are better for me.  NSV!

My BMI has gone down 10 points.  NSV!

And of course...

My heart is healthier, I'll live longer, blah blah blah... NSV!

Did I forget anything, what are your NSVs?  

Thank you for encouraging me, supporting me and reading my blog!  xoxoxo

I Was Making My Child Fat

I almost slapped Jesse.  She deserved it.  Let me rewind.  During the first month that I was working out, I mentioned my son while telling Jesse something.  She said matter-of-factly:  "Oh yeah, I've seen your fat kid on facebook."  I froze.  I wanted to slap her.  I wanted to kill her.  How dare she talk about my perfect baby like that?!  I told her that under no circumstances should she ever say something like that about someones child.  Don't poke a mama bear.  Then I started thinking about what she said.  It.  Was.  True.  Horrible guilt rushed over me as I realized that I had made my child overweight.  He wasn't driving to fast food, I was.  We have made major changes in our household the past six months, and Gabriel is thriving!  We don't weigh him and I'm not going to post pics of him, but everyone that sees him has said that he has lost weight.  I can see it too.  He is also more active, probably because I am able to be active with him.  I have probably cut his daily calorie intake in half!  Seriously, with little effort.  He even still gets his beloved mac n cheese, just not as often nor as much.  Better yet, I am teaching Gabriel why we are making these changes and letting him make his own food choices.  We talk about healthy choices and how to make them.  He doesn't ask for fast food any more, and is happy with the occasional Subway sandwich as a fast food treat.  I have cut that down from a 12" to a 6".  Portion control, what a concept.  I am very careful not to put too much emphases on food with Gabriel.  I don't want him to think he is some fat kid that is on a diet.  (Diet is not the word, lifestyle is.)  I simply want him to learn how to make healthy choices, why he should make them, and hopefully he won't have to go through what I am now.

Why am I writing this?  Why am I calling myself out?  Someone has to be honest, and I guess I'll take one for the team.  Let's face it, when do you see just one overweight person in a family?  Never.  It's always more than one and more than likely it's the entire family.  Mom, Dad and kids are all heavy.  Look around America, duh, we know we're all fat.  Let's do something about it!  Disneyland, my other love after the gym, is constantly making "improvements" and "changes" to their existing rides to accommodate their growing consumer.  The areas of the park that are original to 1955 will show you the size of the average 1950 American and it will shock you! 

Wake up.  If you want to slowly kill yourself, well, I can't help you.  But why would you want that for your child?  Why would you want your child bigger than their classmates?  Look in the mirror.  If you are fat I bet your kids are.  #sorrynotsorry  Own your truth!!!  You cannot teach your children a healthier lifestyle unless you too have one.  You are their example and they are at your mercy!  They will get hungry and eat anything that is in the house.  You choose if that is a banana or Twinkies.  It's January, right?  What are you waiting for? 

And to all the haters that think Jesse is so mean and you can't believe the way she speaks to me, get over it!!  This is a HUGE, pun intended, mental and physical change I am going through. There is no way I could be doing this on my own or without the self realization that I get working out with her.  So just, stop.  She is also a friend and I know she wouldn't just speak to anyone like that, so really, chill.